I have reached a mind altering, heart changing revelation. . .
I’ve been leaning on the wrong shoulder.
We were in Belle Fourche, South Dakota four-wheeling in the beautiful Black Hills and I was thinking “how on earth did we get to where we are”? Our world has been shaken and turned upside down. Fear, doubt and anger have crept into our lives where confidence, success and comfort once stood. It's as if three years have been stolen from us. And it was in the beauty of the Black Hills when God whispered in my ear. . .
This happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God. . .
You know, I remember often thinking how blessed I was, and couldn't figure out why. I really hadn't done much of anything, put forth much effort. I grew up smothered in loved and totally spoiled, being the youngest of all siblings and most of my cousins. I had lots of friends, school was easy for me, I married a man who adored me and had three fantastic kids. We had a great standard of living with a beautiful home, lots of travel and great Christmases! We were high achievers and very successful. We were on top of the world: making good money, good health, no family issues, and business was going great - sounds perfect, doesn't it?
Then things started going out of my control in my little world and the big world around me: I lost my biggest cheerleader: my mom; Daryl's health crisis, Jamie and Eric's inability to get pregnant, business associates turned their backs on us, the market crashed and the nation's political situation was changing. It was if the world was coming to an end.
This happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God. . . .
When things were going great, I thought I had everything under control. Very self sufficient and capable, we were. We were so busy building, doing, winning, going, succeeding and working that our focus was completely blurred and on the wrong things. We were totally relying on ourselves, our hard work, determination and positive thinking that God was definitely riding in the back of the bus. Maybe the back of the train, because I hadn't really seen or heard from him for as long as I can remember. And it wasn't because He wasn't there; it was because I wasn't looking or listening. I had been leaning on the wrong shoulder.
We’ve always done the church thing - attended regularly, highly involved in its activities and after awhile, you think that's enough. But that's deception - it's a lie – success and the comforts of this world can blind us to the truth. Church is good – we need community, but it’s not the only thing that God wants. He doesn’t want part of my life – he wants all of me.
This happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God. . .
I think I am beginning to get it - really get it. Thank goodness God is patient! I've always heard that it's in the trials of life that you feel the love of God. I never understood what this meant - or thought much about it really - until now. Unfortunately, it’s taken catastrophic events for me to start really depending on Him for true comfort, true peace, true joy. Believe me, I'm not there yet, but I feel like God is with me, walking beside me through these tough times. I really do! I am learning what it means to be thankful for trials and suffering – it brings my focus back on God and His promises: His mercy is new to me every day, He will not leave me and He will continue to strengthen me. I am learning to walk the walk and not just talk the talk.
This happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God. . . .
Am I saying that God caused this? Absolutely not - we live in a fallen world, where suffering happens in all kinds of forms: physical, financial, emotional. But I know God has my back all the way, through good and bad and that I need to look to Him for strength and with thanksgiving. I remember Philippians 4:6: "Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God." I will forever pray for Daryl’s healing and grandbabies!
So, I have peace in my heart for a little while, at least until I let the worries of this world start creeping in again and then God whispers once more in my ear. . .
This happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God. . . . (2 Corinthians 1:9)
