It Was a Good Day

Tonight, I'm tired, but . . . I'd like you all to know that we had a good day yesterday at the doctor's office.  Hip, hip, hooray!  Even when I'm dog-tired, like I am tonight, I am thankful and happy :)

After two years of searching for a doctor who knows about and treats biotoxin illnesses caused by mold, I found one about a month ago.  That tells you how hard it is to find one!.  And then he was in Maryland - I thought, okay, that won't work.  But then, my little scheming mind went to work:  Jamie and Eric live in Pennsylvania - that's going the right direction!  Then, I thought:  Thanksgiving is coming - a great reason to start working our way out there.  See how my mind works?

Looking back I can see God had this trip planned.  Too many things fit into place too easily. Healing time with Jamie and Eric following their In Vitro attempt, frequent flyer miles worked, Rob got to join us, good flights and good weather, the doctor had a opening and the appointment went well.

I can't tell you too much right now, because my brain is a little sluggish tonight - and the technical information we were given, well, most of it went in one ear and out the other.  But the one thing I did hold on to was that Daryl has been exposed to severely toxic mold that could cause inflammatory sickness with the symptoms he has.  Halleluiah!  After taking about a gallon of his blood and a nasal swab with an 8" q-tip,  we will wait for about a month to get the results back for things I had never heard of.  The doctor will call us and we'll go from there. We are definitely encouraged.  Daryl connected with the doctor, we have hope and we have a plan.  I sound a lot more confident tonight than I did Monday morning. . .

I was dreading going to this appointment.  I was nervous and very anxious about it.  I did NOT want to start this whole process over again - it was bringing up very bad memories of our Mayo and Iowa City experiences.  I will never go back to either of those places.  I was very thankful Jamie and Rob could go with us for support and encouragement. And to drive!  We went through four state capitals on this trek:  Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, Dover, Delaware, Annapolis, Maryland, and finally, Des Moines.

So, as I was taking my shower Monday morning, I let the hot water massage and relax me.  I began praying that God would give me peace in my heart and that I would give him the keys to the mess we're in.  I prayed that He would show us which direction to go with Daryl's health.  I want so badly to do the right thing, go the right direction.  I asked God for guidance and wisdom and the most amazing thing happened.  I heard the verse Proverbs 3:6 loud and clear:  acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your paths.  So I thought about that - a lot.  I chewed on what acknowledge really means - I asked Daryl, Jamie and Rob.  I called Andy and also talked to his girlfriend, Kim about it.  It's not an easy word to pin down the meaning of when you really think about it.

To me, I thought it meant to give notice to, recognize. I definitely want to acknowledge God in all areas - but especially for the work he's doing in Daryl's health and in our lives because of it.  But Kim gave me wonderful insight into the word:   the word acknowledge comes from the hebrew word 'yada' or 'yadah' (to know someone intimately, to revere or worship with extended hands). Knowing God is submitting with extended hands to his perfect will ... definitely NOT simple or easy!  But it's not impossible.  When I submit to and praise God in the hard times, it encourages me and lifts my spirits. I know, because I've done it.  It's the grace I need to get through the tough days and the wisdom not to guess the future.

When I read both verses 5 & 6, it reminded me of the last blog I wrote back in September - about leaning on the wrong shoulder.  I'm definitely seeing a pattern and common message God's telling me (over and over):
 ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart (trust Him in the good times AND bad)
   and lean not on your own understanding; (enough said - that's how I've gotten where I am)
⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him, (that means submitting to His will in everything I do)
   and he will direct your paths. (then He'll show me where to go and what to do)

This is my prayer as we go down some new paths to seek Daryl's healing. Every day (probably multiple times) I am going to take God's hand and go on this walk He's insisting I go on with Him.  I don't know where He's taking me and I'd rather go a different direction, but I'm going - I guess that's trust, isn't it?

            (Great picture of  Daryl and Jamie at Pocomoke City, MD, isn't it?)

Until next time, thank you for praying for us - "then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many." (2 Corinthians 1:11)  Blessings to you all!

I think I Get It!

I have reached a mind altering, heart changing revelation. . .

I’ve been leaning on the wrong shoulder.

We were in Belle Fourche, South Dakota four-wheeling in the beautiful Black Hills and I was thinking “how on earth did we get to where we are”?  Our world has been shaken and turned upside down.  Fear, doubt and anger have crept into our lives where confidence, success and comfort once stood.  It's as if three years have been stolen from us.  And it was in the beauty of the Black Hills when God whispered in my ear. . . 

This happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God. . .

You know, I remember often thinking how blessed I was, and couldn't figure out why.  I really hadn't done much of anything, put forth much effort. I grew up smothered in loved and totally spoiled, being the youngest of all siblings and most of my cousins.  I had lots of friends, school was easy for me, I married a man who adored me and had three fantastic kids.  We had a great standard of living with a beautiful home, lots of travel and great Christmases!  We were high achievers and very successful.  We were on top of the world:  making good money, good health, no family issues, and business was going great - sounds perfect, doesn't it? 

Then things started going out of my control in my little world and the big world around me:  I lost my biggest cheerleader:  my mom; Daryl's health crisis, Jamie and Eric's inability to get pregnant, business associates turned their backs on us, the market crashed and the nation's political situation was changing.  It was if the world was coming to an end. 

This happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God. . . .

When things were going great, I thought I had everything under control.  Very self sufficient and capable, we were.  We were so busy building, doing, winning, going, succeeding and working that our focus was completely blurred and on the wrong things.  We were totally relying on ourselves, our hard work, determination and positive thinking that God was definitely riding in the back of the bus.  Maybe the back of the train, because I hadn't really seen or heard from him for as long as I can remember.  And it wasn't because He wasn't there; it was because I wasn't looking or listening.  I had been leaning on the wrong shoulder.

We’ve always done the church thing - attended regularly, highly involved in its activities and after awhile, you think that's enough.  But that's deception - it's a lie – success and the comforts of this world can blind us to the truth.  Church is good – we need community, but it’s not the only thing that God wants.  He doesn’t want part of my life – he wants all of me.

This happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God. . .

I think I am beginning to get it - really get it.  Thank goodness God is patient!  I've always heard that it's in the trials of life that you feel the love of God.  I never understood what this meant - or thought much about it really - until now.  Unfortunately, it’s taken catastrophic events for me to start really depending on Him for true comfort, true peace, true joy.  Believe me, I'm not there yet, but I feel like God is with me, walking beside me through these tough times.  I really do!  I am learning what it means to be thankful for trials and suffering – it brings my focus back on God and His promises:  His mercy is new to me every day, He will not leave me and He will continue to strengthen me.  I am learning to walk the walk and not just talk the talk.

This happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God. . . .

Am I saying that God caused this?  Absolutely not - we live in a fallen world, where suffering happens in all kinds of forms:  physical, financial, emotional.   But I know God has my back all the way, through good and bad and that I need to look to Him for strength and with thanksgiving.   I remember Philippians 4:6:  "Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God."  I will forever pray for Daryl’s healing and grandbabies!

So, I have peace in my heart for a little while, at least until I let the worries of this world start creeping in again and then God whispers once more in my ear. . .

This happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God. . . . (2 Corinthians 1:9)

The Perfect Storm

Daryl was sleeping 20 hours a day back then, in the fall of 2008.  I think I may have slept the other 4.  I was moving, but not doing, seeing or hearing.  I was like the energizer bunny - I couldn't rest.

But ever so slowly, he started improving.  With mega dosing of vitamins & minerals, heavy detoxification, diet modification, his energy started coming back.  With the many tests that he underwent and more that our Dr. Sandy requested, we found out Daryl's thyroid had crashed, he was intolerant to dairy and sugar, had a rampant candida infection, and had developed allergies - he's allergic to penicillin!  Remember he was on 5,000 mg per day in August 2008? Group this with something growing in our house, tremendous stress at work and his mysterious health decline - it was a perfect storm developing right in front of our eyes.

We began working with Dr. Sandy, adjusting Daryl's diet & supplementation, monitoring his thyroid, blood sugar levels, heavy metals, etc.  He's not the normal case (I've always known that!), so it's taken lots of trial and error to see what works for him - and we're still making adjustments.  I'll be sharing what we've been doing so far that has made positive impacts:  diet, supplements, therapies, environmental and lifestyle changes and stress management.  Remember I said we are complex beings - mind, body AND spirit.  It's been a process, but we continue the climb to restored health.  God created a miracle when he created the human body.  It's capable of healing itself with lots of tender loving care - and God's will.

Just know Daryl's doing what he loves:  working almost full time for over a year and a half - and he golfs almost full time, too!  Anytime he can get out on the course, he's there.  His game is good, too - never good enough of course, but he's hitting the ball great.

The new "New Normal"

This one was hard to write - actually, I wrote it two days ago and put it away to think about it.  So, I guess it's time to send it on. . .
Until you've been blasted with a catastrophic situation, you won't know how you'd handle one, how you'll behave or what direction you'd go.  Only God does - and that's because He wired you! (Psalm 139:13 - read it!) I pray that you can get through life without one happening to you. But, if you live long enough - you'll experience one.
October 1, 2008 was the day our lives changed forever - the "new normal" as I've come to know it. We sat in the doctor's office as he delivered Daryl a death sentence after a 15 minute consultation.  Absolutely no hope given - go home and die.  We left his office stunned, crushed, horrified.  I will not bring myself to even utter the diagnosis. One thing about "specialists":  they look at a situation only from their professional view.  If you fit into that view, great.  But if you don't have a black and white condition, then they give you a professional opinion as to what they believe you have.  I am reminded that we are extremely complex beings. We are not just physical beings - there is a mind, body & spirit conncection in place. There has been no consideration about symptoms that don't fit;  that have been living and growing with us for the past years. 
He said it so as-a-matter-of-fact-ly, almost flippantly.  Like telling us Daryl had a cold or a sore throat.  It was as if he'd left us on the highway as road-kill.  If I were to change one thing, it would be to have medical professionals extensively trained on compassion and delivery of devasting news.  And if they don't pass - they're out.   They are dealing with people's lives and emotions.  Just one word can make a huge difference.  After a year of going to over 30 doctors and specialists, believe me:  there are all kinds of doctors.  All kinds of personalities, belief systems, egos, education levels, and after a while you learn you have to be your own advocate - and go with what your gut, what you believe.  God gave us the verse Psalm 118:18:  "It is better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in man.".

We were faced with two choices: to give up and hide in the corner or to stand up and live.  Ultimately, God is in control of our situation, and I am forever thankful.  As I seek His will and while I am still on this earth, I am going to do all that I can, with the resources God gives us, to heal and live a healthy, productive life. We do what we can do and then I continually give our situation to the Lord.

So that's what we are doing.  We found a great doctor (PhD of cellular and molecular biology, not an MD) and threw the old diagnosis out the window and started moving forward again.  You know, a diagnosis can kill you faster than the actual sickness will.  We are are doing everything we can to figure out what's happened to Daryl and why - and start the restoration process - to the new New Normal!

I pray that we can be an encouragement and inspiration to others along the way. That's all for now - God bless you all!

Remember 2 Corinthians 1:11 and to pray for us - God does answer prayers and He is a miracle worker (the only one).

A Steep Hill to Climb

I love biblegateway.com - It's an online complete bible resource:  yearly reading plans, passage lookups, audio versions of verses and chapters, all in different versions.  In short, it's got just about everything you need to read God's word.  It also has a verse of the day - today's was 1 John 5:12.  So I read and listened to the whole chapter.  In fact - I listened to it 3 times - there's a lot to digest in this chapter.  But what I heard the loudest were verses 14 & 15:  "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him."

Daryl and I have had almost three torturous years of dealing with his health challenges.  From horrific mis-diagnoses to the challenges that have come along with his mysterious, unexplained condition, our lives have been literally turned upside down.  It has affected every area of our lives:  our family, our home, work, sleep, energy, focus, confidence, faith , friends, trust, on and on and on.  All these aspects may have changed, but praise God, because He doesn't change!  His promises are the same no matter what happens in our little part of the world.  And the promise I'm holding onto today is in this verse.  I have confidence that God hears my cries and pleas as long as I seek His will.  I will forever ask for complete healing of not only Daryl's body, but also of our spirits.  I am so thankful God listens to me!

Daryl is doing well, but it's a very steep hill to climb.  He's lost about 65 pounds, so if I don't watch out, I'll be weighing more than he does!  I simply won't let that happen, even if I have to cook two meals:  one full of calories for Jack Sprat and one with no calories for his wife!

How on earth did we get to this place?  I'll be sharing bit by bit as the days go by.  In the meantime, pray for us - for complete healing, confidence and encouragement.  Please read 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 and you'll see why I cherish your prayers.

God bless you all - R

A visit with God

I've been needing to hear God's voice more and more these days.  So today, I visited Him in His word - and it was awesome.  If I can shut out all the "things" I think I need to do and give Him my attention, amazing things happen.  I am calmed, comforted, rested and inspired.

This morning I asked Him for encouragement - and after I read for a while, I realized - He gave it to me!  I fight so much for control of my and in this life.  And it makes me tired.  I'm hearing God tell me to rest in Him, to trust Him and that He has everything under control.  And you know what?  I'd rather have Him be in control of my life than for me to be in charge.  He's much more capable-I'm in a lot better hands with Him!

Anyway - the bible verse God gave me today that has encouraged me so much is:

2 Corinthians 1:3) Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4) who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5)For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6)If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7)And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Many, many blessings to you today!

Welcome!

This is my first post on my new blog - wish me luck!